@SumReecesPieces: "I need to talk to you." Has the power to make you remember every single bad thing you've ever done. Ever.
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@Crutnacker: Why Seth MacFarlane's Oscars were mean spirited and misogynistic, coming up next after our review of the worst dressed women.
@WilliamAder: Scientists are attempting to clone Ice Age Cave Lions because running into a raccoon when I take out the trash isn't scary enough.
@KrissiBex: My family said if I don’t get a Facebook, they’d all get a Twitter I sacrificed myself for all of twitter kind I’m the Jesus of social media
@kentgrossarth: Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.