@mishakey: I never close my eyes in the shower because that's how murderers know when to show up and kill you.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SortaBad: Idea: a neck tattoo that depicts a man having an unsuccessful job interview because of his neck tattoo
@Home_Halfway: Accidentally used AXE shampoo to wash my cat the other day and now he's boxing strays and impregnated 17 dogs
@RocketRankoon: *swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* "Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"
@peeznuts: Child in a car: Strap them to the seat or you will be fined and jailed. Bus full of children: They'll be fine just throw em in there.