@rolldiggity: I never feel guilty about eating baby carrots because it's not like adult carrots are doing anything great with their lives.
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@amydillon: When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
@EricMarten: George Zimmerman was arrested again for aggravated assault with a weapon. It's almost like there's a pattern here.
@ch000ch: [slowly rises from trashcan while 2 friends are making plans without me] i am also free that day.