@LackOfShame: I never feel like a bigger failure than when my dog re-scratches something I just scratched for her.
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@Kali_Mura: Cop: So, I’m writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane. Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.
@just_evolved: When a killer makes you dig your own grave, throw the soil far away so he has trouble backfilling.
@TheBoydP: Guys, when she complains about something you didn't do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok! You're welcome!
@Izianikapani: It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.