@LackOfShame: I never feel like a bigger failure than when my dog re-scratches something I just scratched for her.
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@brentcetera: SO AFTER I CAUGHT HER CHEATING ON ME I WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE AND DIE. ANYWAY MY NAME’S TOM AND I’LL BE YOUR TANDEM PARACHUTE PARTNER
@Paxochka: Pope joins twitter. Quits being Pope. Takes twittercide to a whole new level. Your move, drama queens.
@Zhanny001: @funTweeters I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers