@meganamram: I never give homeless people drugs because I know they're just going to trade them for food
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@Tmoney68: The International Space Station was assembled IN SPACE. I can't follow one page of illustrated instructions to assemble an IKEA dresser.
@awkwardphilippe: Confusing prank: Obtain a grizzly bear, name it Love then call 911 and say that Love is tearing you apart
@Brampersandon_: ME: when I was 12 I got the flu so bad I had to be in the hospital GUY WHO TRIES TO ONE-UP EVERY STORY: oh yeah? when I was 13 I died