@meganamram: I never give homeless people drugs because I know they're just going to trade them for food
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@squirrel74wkgn: Don't worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn't be lost much longer.
@skickwriter: My microwave broke. So, we're finding innovative alternatives. Did y'all know the surface on top of the oven heats up, too? Honest to God.
@_xLNc: My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
@KevinFarzad: Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.