@UNTRESOR: I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.
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@FatherWithTwins: 7yo: Daddy, I love you too! Me: Aw, I love you too! 7yo: No, I said "I love YouTube"
@houffy: I don't think the church is going to let me pick music for the bible group again. In my defense, the band name "Lamb of God" is misleading.
@Jeff_G_Nixon: [barber shop] BARBER: what can we do for you today? MEDUSA: well.. [removes hat] BARBER: MEDUSA: BARBER: so do you want more or less snakes?