@kyry5: I never got why people liked sitting home without pants so much until I was without a job for a week. Now I don't get why people have jobs.
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@martyntanton: My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
@YUCKYBOT: You know what they say? Once you go white, you'll rob the world of it's resources and murder indigenous peoples.
@Up2Long: Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I'm stalking you" was much funnier in my head.