@kyry5: I never got why people liked sitting home without pants so much until I was without a job for a week. Now I don't get why people have jobs.
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@Juven_Naidoo: Couch: $300 TV: $1000 Chips: $3. The look on your face when you don't have electricity: Priceless
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Cleaning up is a superpower. Don't you want to be a superhero? 5-year-old: I'll just be a bad guy.
@AaronCSU54: My therapist thinks meeting women on twitter for sex is a bad idea. His wife disagrees.
@ilovepie84: Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You're welcome.