@CulturedRuffian: I never had to swim for my life in a shark attack but once I had to doggy-paddle really fast to get out of a pool when it was dessert time.
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@ericsshadow: WOMAN: some people shouldn't have children ME: [placing my screaming son in her shopping cart] thank you
@dumbbeezie: Shopping with friend "Look, triangle-shaped tupperware for your leftover pizza!" Me: "What's leftover pizza?
@fro_vo: [first date] ME: are you having fun DATE: yes i am ME: *hands menu back to waiter* i will also have the fun
@jonnysun: if somone acidentaly walks in while ur in the bathroom, do not react at all. this avoids embarasment & makes them wonder if they are a ghost