@Underchilde: I never keep toilet paper in the guest bathroom. They don’t need that kind of incentive to visit again.
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@JermHimselfish: Sorry I didn't text you back, my hands are sore from karate chopping loaves of bread in half and feeding them to starving children all day.
@ManiacallySound: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because no body liked you in high school, and then you caught me speeding.
@MissBamantha: I like to pride myself on knowing whether it's Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure by the first bum bum bum badda dum bum.
@WilliamAder: They found Richard III's skeleton in a parking lot. Time stamp on the ticket stub indicates he owes $8,432,773.