@Underchilde: I never keep toilet paper in the guest bathroom. They don’t need that kind of incentive to visit again.
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@shannonlaynee: captions that need to die: "so i did a thing" "today was ok" --a photo of a situation that is clearly more than ok "he's alright I guess"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Liam Neeson: What I do have are a very particular set of skills. Me if I were the kidnapper: *is.
@BeagirlNJ: I'm "I lost my car in a parking lot" years old *clicks alarm, clicks alarm* *silence* Am I even in the right parking lot?
@heroinsdemise: I always wonder how Men managed to find entire continents. Mine can't even find the butter in the fridge.