@est1975blog: I never knew my son was 80 years old until he told me to text our neighbor because "his leaves are getting on our lawn."
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@Alex_N_Chains: Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.
@codyspencer0: Cereal box mascots give kids a dangerously positive view of animals who in the wild would literally kill them before they gave them cereal.
@longwall26: The Story of Volcanos God: Ok, how about a mountain.. Angel: We got mountains. God: Lemme finish. That shits fire. Angel: Metal. *fist bump*
@addyosmani: Wow, it's a beautiful day outside. I should probably do something. *closes the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen* ~ Developers