@est1975blog: I never knew my son was 80 years old until he told me to text our neighbor because "his leaves are getting on our lawn."
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@CoolCamel69: *pulls out stack of pancakes and completely stuffs mouth during interview* Nexft queffstun pleeazse "Umm. Your biggest weakness?" Panfccakes
@Sarcasmo718: Taking your shirt off when fighting is a great way to tell the cops who to arrest.
@Book_Krazy: The lazy river is my favorite ride at this amusement park. "Ahhhhh!" I scream as I float in a giant circle, not spilling my drink at all
@Underchilde: Bring spoiled food to work enough and your coworkers eventually stop eating anything with your name on it.