@koalaslament: I never know what to do when someone tries to fist bump me, so I just slowly put their fist in my mouth
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@SteveSuckington: For some reason, the Disney movie "101 Dalmatians" was much more popular than it's sequel "Picking up Dog Shit for Eternity."
@shopkins776: *hand grenades* *blow torch* *AK 47* *sulfuric acid* *ninja training* My Google search history yesterday after I found a spider.
@philgibson01: "This undercooked pasta is an absolute car crash" What do you mean? "It's all denty"
@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.