@abysmalkittybee: I never let people borrow my shoes, because if they walk a mile in them they'll know how much I exaggerate my problems.
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@KateWhineHall: Calls for kids: Nobody responds. Gets on phone: Two kids yelling for me while fighting, the other asking what's for dinner when it's 9 am.
@secondofhername: If you date someone working for the federal government and then break up, does he become FedEx? #oksorry