@Ristolable: I never made it as a firefighter. I thought arsonists were people who hated arson, so every time we met one I thanked him for his support
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@AdderallMomma: --Wanna go rubbing in the park tomorrow with me? Thanks auto correct, this is why I can't have nice friends.
@DaHess1: Christian Mingle: God has hidden a spouse for you on our website. Pay us $30 and see if you can find them.
@Stabby_smurf: Let's say weed does make me dumber. Then you should be thanking me for levelling the playing field.
@ImaFlyontheWall: Me: I'm sorry Aquaman, but talking to fish just isn't a super power. Aquaman: oh yeah? *squints* a dolphin scoots to my car and shits on it