@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Thanks for the Christmas card featuring the ultrasound photo. Here's one of my family gathered around an MRI of my knee.

@bencoffeehall: Each year an average of 10 people are killed by sharks while 100 people die being stepped on by cows. Where's Cow Week, Discovery Channel?!

@ComedicBust: My girlfriend's furious that I bought her The Golden Girls box set for her birthday, but I knew she'd get over it since she's not real.

@PS_IRuddYou: Just drove past a new typewriter repair shop... That's not a front for anything illegal I'm sure...

@justabloodygame: *detective bangs on table* I SAID GIVE ME A NAME! "Uh, Aaron?" Aaron... I like it! *'Aaron' leaves interrogation room, ready for a new life*