@fart: "i never metadata i didn't like" -NSA
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Thanks for the Christmas card featuring the ultrasound photo. Here's one of my family gathered around an MRI of my knee.
@bencoffeehall: Each year an average of 10 people are killed by sharks while 100 people die being stepped on by cows. Where's Cow Week, Discovery Channel?!
@ComedicBust: My girlfriend's furious that I bought her The Golden Girls box set for her birthday, but I knew she'd get over it since she's not real.
@PS_IRuddYou: Just drove past a new typewriter repair shop... That's not a front for anything illegal I'm sure...