@jus4golf: I am angry but not like really angry. More like Facebook angry where I call you letters of the alphabet. You F'ing B.

@SortaBad: My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault

@ddsmidt: A stranger on the internet told me I probably have better things to do than spend time on Twitter. It’s like he doesn’t even know me at all.

@Cads_wallop: “Wow! What a rush” I exclaim, bending down to tie my shoelaces.

@colesprouse: Yawn in the club to see who's checkin you out.