@pleatedjeans: I never pay for drinks I just insult women at bars & when they throw drinks in my face I open my mouth haha thanks for the free booze ladies
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@Scorpio1080: The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
@imence2: I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille....nnn.....I just love smell of campfires.
@Brampersandon_: Did you really get a crocodile tattooed around your belly button? -IT'S AN ALLIGATOR KAREN. GOD YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT.
@KeetPotato: [talking to my guide dog] this better be the hospital this time and not wimbledon again [from a nearby speaker] "FIFTEEN-LOVE"