@Loli_Sug: I never point out when someone's zipper is down. I just zip it up for them.
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@bombsydoll: *Buys map of world, pins up on wall *Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands *hits wall outlet *has amazing time being electrocuted
@randomlawless: My coworker replaced her chair with an exercise ball to "work her core." I'm eating a giant chocolate chip cookie for breakfast. I win.
@TheAlexP: [at bank] Samuel L Jackson turning in swear jar: I need a bank check to buy Rhode Island