@Shower4Thought: I never realized how short a month is until I started paying rent
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@Shelts99: Neighbour:How's the wife? Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant? Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next
@wolfpupy: at the grampys, about to anounce who won the grampy award. open envelope. its grandpa!!! you did it congratulations
@ProdigyNelson: Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man
@SarahB_D: You people who pull back the shower curtain checking for psycopathic murderers ... if you find one, what's your plan?