@mjkspeaks: I never text and drive bc that would imply that I actually go places.
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@MafiaJoker78: New neighbours just moved in... I baked them some goodies as a welcome & a warning to never eat at my house.
@BuckyIsotope: PRO TIP: Stall your execution by asking if the lethal injection chemicals are gluten-free.
@Roohani19: Apparently, "he's an army officer" isn't the correct response to "who's your daddy".