@abbycohenwl: I never thought I'd meet the man of my dreams while I was out running errands in sweat pants with no make-up on. And I was right
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheTobbie: Just recorded the baby crying so I can play it back to him while he tries to sleep later to see how he likes it...
@Jennuflect: Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers.
@joe_binkley: I want to be a server at a restaurant that serves fish jelly, just so when people order it, I can say "I don't think you're ready."