@abbycohenwl: I never thought I'd meet the man of my dreams while I was out running errands in sweat pants with no make-up on. And I was right
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@iwearaonesie: How people walk when they’re: DATING *holding hands* ENGAGED *arms locked* MARRIED *one person is 5 feet in front of the other and yelling back at them for parking so far away*
@KeetPotato: imagine how angry bear grylls' wife would be if he didn't like what she cooked for dinner
@Reverend_Scott: Wolverine: [more mad than usual] I woke up today ON THE ROOF Prof. X: [glares at Magneto] Magneto: OH SURE IMMEDIATELY BLAME ME
@kylekinane: I ate a tomato slice off the carpet. And some lettuce. And some bleu cheese bits. And mushrooms. I'm saying I dropped my salad on the floor.