@abbycohenwl: I never thought I'd meet the man of my dreams while I was out running errands in sweat pants with no make-up on. And I was right
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@blade_funner: Me: WHOOMP! there it is. Detective: Please stop saying that every time you find a clue.
@shutupmikeginn: Rent in the city is getting ridiculous. I pay $775 to live in a barista's beard. I have 3 roommates.
@IamJackBoot: Bugs Bunny taught me my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "Can I buy you a drink?" Her: "I have a boyfriend." Me to barman: "A beer for me and a 'I have a boyfriend' for the lady."