@samfromks: I never touch baby carrots because I'm afraid the mother will reject them.
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@DrLickenstein: my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and i ate them because im a velociraptor disguised as a milkshake vendor lol owned
@shawnries: Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.
@KeetPotato: me: "£4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"
@ariscott: I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.