@kunalkamra88: I never understand why do people whisper at funeral's ? The most important guy at this party is dead he can't hear you.
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@DanKCharnley: [Job interview] Boss: "What's your biggest weakness?" Me: "I have no weaknesses." *clutches picture of the dolphin that killed my father*
@pleatedjeans: [blood bank] Doc inserts needle [turns around] YOU AGAIN! [vampire sucking on tube like straw] GO ON SCOOT [chases him from room with broom]
@EvansPosts: "You're gonna hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late" jokes on you im gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what
@PandAmonnia: "YES, MOM! NO CRUST! You've been making my sandwiches for 37 years now, STOP ASKING!" *mom leaves crust on so you'll finally move out*