@kunalkamra88: I never understand why do people whisper at funeral's ? The most important guy at this party is dead he can't hear you.
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@BlindChow: *interrogating cat* Admit it! You're a Communist! "Meow" A no-good red! "Meow" Tough guy eh? "Meow" We can do this all night. "Mao" You–wait
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: I don't like my princess shoes with the heels. Me: Do they hurt your feet? 5-year-old: I can't run from zombies.
@mjkspeaks: God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.