@NurseMurderer: I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don't feed me and I'll kill everyone.
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@Phook75: So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response
@GrantTanaka: exactly 14 yrs ago today, I pointed at a beautiful woman & said "that's the girl I'm gonna marry one day" but it turned out to be a lamppost
@PaperWash: [in ambulance after being shot] can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell? "Don't be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can"