@miss_foofoo: I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ's. If I'm gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable.
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@KeetPotato: wife: we should go before you saying something stupid me: ok wife: [to widow] lovely funeral service me: yeah lets do this again sometime
@djdarrellripley: (Sigh) I must be getting older. I just read a whole book about a giant sperm whale called Moby Dick and I didn't giggle once...
@sweetandweak: Daughter just told me, "Dad, I don't make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches." One day her picture will be on money.
@ktmcburr: I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What.