@daplusk: I nod and smile at empty places just to confuse any ghosts that might be there into thinking i can see them.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KalvinMacleod: ME: nice fanny pack u weirdo KANGAROO: *puts phone in pouch, pulls out a knife* ME: holy shit
@murrman5: [roommate hears me come in] "how was the date?" [face sucked back and teeth showing like im skydiving] apparently, I'm allergic to shellfish
@sucittaM: Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.