@daplusk: I nod and smile at empty places just to confuse any ghosts that might be there into thinking i can see them.
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@NeinQuarterly: Danke for calling Germany. To order beer, press 1. To order weapons, press 2. To order philosophy, press 1 until it resembles a 2.
@SaraMansford: Dear parents buying holiday gifts for teachers: They don't want candles or a Starbucks GC. They put up with your kids. They want wine.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: My Roomba sucked up some cocaine & cleaned the entire house in 5 mins. Now my jewelry's missing & the Roomba's trying to bang the blender.