@SarcasticCharm: I now know I drink too much. I walked out on my deck and swear I heard a mosquito yell out to his all his friends that the bar just opened.
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@Pro_Jones_: (Halloween Party) Friend: What's your costume? Me: I'm dressed as "A total disappointment" Friend: But you always wear that Me: Yeah.
@LostAtCollege: Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: “sure” -sent from my iPhone