@SarcasticCharm: I now know I drink too much. I walked out on my deck and swear I heard a mosquito yell out to his all his friends that the bar just opened.
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@JediGigi: [he picks me up on 1st date] Him: What do you have there? Me: [struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down] Ham.
@Sarcasticsapien: I hope I die alone. I mean, you'd have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
@amazymay72x: Weed doesn't give me an attitude when I forget to pay the electric bill... I love you, weed.