@3sunzzz: I occasionally call my son when he's with me so I can hear what my ringtone is on his phone. Last week I was the theme song from Psycho.
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@brennadine: [In line at Starbucks] [Woman behind me talking] I work in an office with 50% men so- [Excitedly turn around] OMG YOU WORK WITH CENTAURS
@Underchilde: When couples tell me they're taking their relationship to the next level, I just assume they’re gonna start throwing cutlery at each other.