@BGH70: I often wish that gravity was a more selective force regarding who it kept on this planet.
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@MatCro: My girlfriend just got the definition of mansplaining wrong and now I don't know what to do.
@The_JRM: 5yo's pretending she's a tourist at a hotel. All good, but I draw the line when my services are criticized because the "toilet's too cold."
@Fred_Delicious: [goes to museum of fine art] "Just how fine can this art be, anyway" [sees a vase in a thong] "oh damn"