@JKNenagh: I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is still awake at midnight and talking back right now.
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@Try2StopME: Tim Cook: "We're excited to annou-" #Apple fans: "We'll buy it." Tim Cook: "Let me fini-" Apple fans: "We'll buy that too." #iPhone6
@KeetPotato: [at dave's who has like 9 dogs] me: "what d'you call a fly with no wings" dave: "keith dont" me: "a WALK!" [drowns in a tidal wave of dogs]
@RickAaron: I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.