@WendyLiebman: I once dated a dentist. He had a tiny round mirror on the ceiling over his bed.
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@Ygrene: [First date] Her: i'm a criminal lawyer, what do you do? Me: really, well it just so happens that I… (trying to impress her) …am a criminal
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I set a record for the rope climb in high school. 4-year-old: You climbed it the fastest? My wife: He cried the most.
@foodfacenow: *crashes through ceiling into kitchen* Wife:You were doing karate in the attic again weren't you Me:*panting* No *nunchucks hit me in face*