@WendyLiebman: I once dated a dentist. He had a tiny round mirror on the ceiling over his bed.
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@PressOneForNo: When your toddlers are teenagers don't forget to wake them at 5am because your sock came off
@mydmac: DM:You're so hot, wanna Skype? Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka? DM: ME:hello...you there
@VaguelyFunnyDan: A gorgeous woman's been staring me down from across this cafe for an hour. The wildly handsome man directly behind me must be super jealous.
@yaboydil: [In elevator] Penguin: what floor do you want? Man: 5th please. *penguin accidentally slaps all the buttons with his fin*