@GreenEyedJedi: I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes.
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@utofellatio: Henry constantly confuses sleeping people with dead people. Henry is also a necrophiliac so things get awkward for Henry quick
@YeahDrewisOn: My girlfriend is: - super sweet - light as a feather - pink - melts in my mouth when I eat her - always at a circus - possibly cotton candy
@ihateitmunky: guy who's about to repair my iPhone screen: may i have your passcode for testing? Me: ..ya know what i don't even want it fixed
@NotUrGumar: Whenever I feel like I'm a weirdo, I remember they put little panties on peaches in Japan & I don't feel so bad