@MisterBombay: I once dated a woman named Kim who hated to be called Kimberly. Then I dated a woman named Chelsea who really hated to be called Kimberly
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@AimeeHelene1: *rolls grocery cart into open house* Ooh what a lovely lamp! *puts it in cart* An iPad! *crosses iPad off shopping list* *puts it in cart*
@ericsshadow: Interview: "What's your greatest weakness?" *I look at my watch then lean in* How much time do you have?
@CulturedRuffian: When one door closes, another one opens which is also one of the first signs you probably have a poltergeist.