@CubanaMama82: I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
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@TheToddWilliams: [back from the ultrasound] MOTHER-IN-LAW: So did you see the fetus? ME: Fetus, handus, legus...there was practically a whole baby in there!
@PoliUncorrect: If I learned anything from my childhood, its that if you cry long enough, your dead hamster will be reborn as a rabbit
@MomOfTeen: If by "junk in the trunk" you mean the untouched gym bag I store there, then yes, I most certainly have junk in my trunk.
@JermHimselfish: *takes a home pregnancy test* *finds out home is pregnant* *calls a carpenter to find out if it's gonna be a shed or a gazebo*