@CubanaMama82: I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
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@Kid_topher: "Ride or die" seems a bit dramatic. I'm looking for a "ride or maybe go our separate ways if things aren't working out."
@david8hughes: [wakes up & turns to wife] "I had a nightmare. You died." "Aw. It was just a-" "Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."
@iJohnKnoxville: Someone needs to open a bar called "The Gym". Then I too can be annoying on Facebook by posting how I'm always at the gym.
@lloydrang: Things i use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%