@SgtButtCheeks: I once knew a brother so smooth he wore a bluetooth in each ear and held the exact same conversation with 2 separate women at the same time
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@ItsAndyRyan: Me: Do you ever feel like you're an imposter? Psychiatrist: Get out of my chair Me: Interesting *writes 'thinks he's the psychiatrist'*
@SamuelHLowe: Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?
@egg_dog: don't eat yellow snow is a pretty sound rule but i would warn against eating any kind of weather
@Gre_Gone: [Wife finds me crying on kitchen floor] Me: I fell & spilled honey on myself. Wife: Me: Will you ki Wife: I'm not kissing your Honey Boo Boo