@SgtButtCheeks: I once knew a brother so smooth he wore a bluetooth in each ear and held the exact same conversation with 2 separate women at the same time
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@SamClark_23: This girl sitting next to me gave herself an insulin shot in class yesterday & the girl next to her said “can you like not do that right now” she replied with “um no Debra I’d like to live”
@ibid78: "Sir your résumé says you can read minds." "Yup. And you're thinking 'Why would he put that on a résumé?'" "Oh. My. God. You're hired."