@alliejane_508: I once left a love note on the wrong car, so yeah, you should totally trust me with important paperwork.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@squirrel74wkgn: [at restaurant] Gorgeous hostess: Happy Valentine's Day! How many? Me: Just one, thanks. Wife (clears throat): Two.
@iGreenMonk: I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
@nbadag: GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK HIS AGENT: gary that's a bad idea—how'd you feel about a ghost writer? GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT