@scrirc: I once met this guy who was so creepy that his van had a basement.
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@Malocallidus: someone asked : are you coming? me: No, but I'm breathing fast... them: me: them: me: I guess I'll save that one for Twitter
@YoungManDadJoke: Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body.
@truegritrumble: (Going to Wife's Work Party) WIFE: Don't just be quiet like last time. (Later at Dinner) ME: Did you know marsupials are not a kind of soup?