@ilovepie84: I once put a baby in adult clothing and placed him on my desk with a water bottle labeled "fountain of youth" right next to him.
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@KeetPotato: [5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: "everything's a competition to you" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] "no it's not"
@RightOJack: My GF spent $49 on a haircut. Had she gone to Petsmart she'd have gotten an ear cleaning, anal gland extraction and a free bandana as well.
@AGreaterMonster: This is serious as a heart attack but not one of those funny heart attacks. Those make me laugh.
@curlycomedy: If you watch someone kissing in public for too long you become what's weird about it.