@Black__Elvis: I once raised a roof, and now that he's all grown up he never writes or calls.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: -hey don't shoot me, i'm just the messenger! -oh the letter says to shoot me? okay th-
@jackiembouvier: Me: So, what are your thoughts? Therapist: Well, I think you may have some boundary issues. Me: [In his lap] Are you saying I'm fat?!
@thezachmaginnis: My sister told me to "take the spider out" instead of "kill" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.