@Black__Elvis: I once raised a roof, and now that he's all grown up he never writes or calls.
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@TodaysResume: During your interview, try ending every sentence with "dot jpg". "How would you say you handle job pressure?" --Not a problem.jpg
@KalvinMacleod: ME: Raising two kids on my own has been a real struggle. WIFE: I'm only gone for two days. ME: They call me momdad now, which is bittersweet
@MrSpoonicorn: "can i smoke in here?" "sure go ahead sir" "thanks" *lights scented candle* "can i scatter rose petals in here?" "erm- "can i dim the lights
@SardonicTart: Jurassic World is so unrealistic. Like a teenager would ever just drop his cell phone while being chased by a dinosaur.