@jonnysun: i once saw a pigeon on the subway & it got off at the financial distribct & all i coud think was "cool. that bird makes more money than me"
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@LaytesAgain: If she doesn't scream "YES!" in bed... I don't know. Maybe start asking her different questions?
@ScreaminMomX2: Parenting tip: If your toddler is being quiet then they are probably doin somethin like tryin to flush the cat down the toilet.
@notacroc: [date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician
@urgeekisshowing: I'm writing a horror story. It's about a girl who forgets her headphones and her colleagues think it's ok to talk to her. So much blood.