@gabemakesmusic: I once saw a road sign that said, "Slow Down, Small Children at Play" but then it occurred to me that I'm not afraid of small children
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@brendohare: Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
@Thynebear: [Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*
@TitansHomer: Wife: What's the Harlem shake? Me: I don't know, I think they sell them at Burger King?
@FaisalAdam_: In a parallel universe, cartoons are watching us and thinking "how sad, they die if you drop an anvil on their heads..."