@ilovepie84: I once slowly roasted a Marshmallow over fire until the Michelin Man gave me some free tires.
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@tigermcleash: Daddy? Yeah, Bud Can you scour the house looking EVERYWHERE for something I'm poorly describing that you've never seen or heard of before?
@dreamthievin: People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what's it like to exercise?
@KandyKoehn: me: [in bed, hears a weird noise] wtf was that?! dracula: [bursts out of my closet] me: did you hear that too?! dracula: yeah wtf was that?!