@WilliamAder: I once walked out of a movie because the actor's fake typing was so bad.
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@ElleAys: My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I'm fearful of her college days.
@SteveSuckington: Therapist: what's your biggest issue with your husband? Wife: he gives me no privacy Me: [tapping on window from outside] that's not true
@thenatewolf: *I come downstairs to see my dog has eaten my dinner off the counter* Dude, I said I was sorry for eating yours.
@KenJennings: *Jesus comes into the house* Judas: Jesus, close the door! Were you born in a barn? *room gets super quiet* Judas: Uh right. I forgot. Sorry