@SuperRandomish: I once watched a documentary on ferns because the remote was out of reach.
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@SteveSuckington: [job interview] "What's your.." *interrupts* -My greatest strength is my work ethic "Well played. Welcome to the psychic friends network"
@sixfootcandy: Me: The dog gives me more kisses because he loves me the most. Him: No, it's because you never wipe the ice cream off your chin.
@FattMernandez: I haven't seen a kid on a leash in a while. I guess parents started releasing them back into the wild.
@moooooog35: A bright side to having kids is that if I'm ever trapped in my car I have 3 years worth of half-empty water bottles and goldfish to live on.