@SuperRandomish: I once watched a documentary on ferns because the remote was out of reach.
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@AverageCorners: 11: Did it rain last night? Me: No. 11: But it's so wet! Me: That's what she said. 11: What? Me: What?
@ficklenuts: Me: “Alexa, put on some jazz and pour me a drink.” My daughter, Alexandra: “Stop calling me that! Crap like this is why I live with Dad!”
@ComedicBust: *Blind Date* Her: Ask me anything.. Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos? Her: Are you seri.. Me: *flips table*
@jordan_stratton: According to commercials, a woman's primary goal in life is to lock in moisture.