@Home_Halfway: I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my phone so you can shut the hell up about your "scary" battle at Normandy, grandpa.
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@LocoBurritoMan: Today I got chased by a thief trying to steal my wallet.. I managed to get away, but he definitely gave me a good run for my money!
@mantej: Why would anyone ever think gay people tear apart the fabric of society? They love fabric.
@3sunzzz: Dentists that pass out lollipops at the end of your child's dental cleaning, are passing out little pieces of job security.
@JamesCoolie: The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that... it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine - William Shakespeare