@Home_Halfway: I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my phone so you can shut the hell up about your "scary" battle at Normandy, grandpa.
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@Social_Mime: Every day I'm hoping is the day we find out why Beth from FB had enough but didn't want to talk about it.
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So we'll call you & let you know. Do you have any questions?" Yes, can you text me instead to let me know?
@PaperWash: Tell us a scary story! Ok kids, gather around *holds flashlight up to face And I'll tell you all that is evil *puts wedding tape in VCR
@NicCageMatch: The rats outside my apartment building are getting very bold. One of them just asked me for my number.