@iresurfaced: I only came to this school reunion because one of you've got my Wu Tang tape.
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@XplodingUnicorn: I walked into a gas station & a woman handed me a free slice of pizza Either Iowa is the nicest state in America or I've just been poisoned
@jergarl: [Showing a friend around the house] Me: And THIS is where my 5 yr old eats his popcorn. *motions to area covered in popcorn.