@iresurfaced: I only came to this school reunion because one of you've got my Wu Tang tape.
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@ObscureGent: Make your first kiss more memorable by letting them know about your sci-fi themed weapon collection moments before your lips touch.
@tonyhawk: girl at restaurant: "Are you Tony Hawk?" me: "Yes." her: "Why?" I had no idea how to answer.
@jessokfine: [Me at job interview] And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?
@AristotlesNZ: Me: There's a real fat one on the other team! Her: "My son's not fat!" How you know I was talking about him? "Cuz he's the.." Fat one? "Ya."