@Sarcasticsapien: I only discriminate against people who discriminate. I'm basically the Dexter of discrimination.
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@VerbsRProudest: I'm at doc's office & they have 3 designated areas: flu like symptoms, stomach virus symptoms, & kids. I don't want to catch any of the 3.
@ErinEph: You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
@casey_csaszar: My dog cant hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
@joerogan: I know I spend too much time on my phone because I was reading a magazine and I just tried to enlarge the picture by spreading my fingers.