@Thee1_4U: I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it.
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@JaneBadall: The next stick figure family I see with more than 3 stick figure kids is getting a complementary condom taped on their rear window.
@liv_thatsme: Obama's not stupid. If he's spying, he's going to do it through an appliance Trump actually uses: the tanning bed.
@VerbsRProudest: I don't know when the apocalypse will happen. All I know for sure is my son will still have 4th grade math homework due the next day.
@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow