@Thee1_4U: I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it.
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@GetCougarized: The best things in life are free. Like your neighbor's wifi, their morning paper & their liquor cabinet while they're away, for instance.
@squirrel74wkgn: As I exposed my glorious chest hairs & catapulted toward the Velcro wall, I realized that I had no exit strategy.
@MissNaughty1801: 7y: mummy, how long have you been married to daddy? Me: 7 years 7y: how long have you got left?
@Tmoney68: Coworker: What a crazy weekend! Me: *takes a knee* CW: What are you doing? M: Protesting this conversation.