@Token_Geezer: I only had kids so I'd have a valid excuse for always being late
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@jonnysun: she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now? "...there ar plenty of fish in the sea" OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH
@bush_piglet: Yay! my car has a parking sensor and I didn't know. When I reverse too far it makes a banging, crunching noise.
@david8hughes: "I've an appointment with Dr Patel." "Dr Patel is off sick today so-" [slowly backs away & whispers] "U people can't even help yourselves."