@Ideal_Victoria: I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos.
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@BuckyIsotope: UBER DRIVER: Where to ME: One sec. Siri, where the best place to dispose of an uber driver’s body SIRI: The bog ME: nearest bog please
@Mike_Bianchi: My band is so indie we don't even record together. You have to buy 4 separate cds and play them at the same time.
@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
@CroweJam: I'll believe corporations are people when conservatives ban them from marrying each other.