@Ideal_Victoria: I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos.
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@just1fool: Right? That noise. ~Me pretending that I know what I'm talking about when I get my car serviced
@QwertyJones3: Watch it bro, your mouth's writing checks your body can't cash. Because you write really sloppy with the pen in your mouth. Seriously, wtf?
@boring_as_heck: Crime rates are down 100% after President Obama made it illegal to do crimes. "I don't know why we didn't think of this before," he said.
@david8hughes: [Joker has Robin tied up] "If you want to see the Boy Wonder alive, come to the old-" "Nope. Also he's allergic to peanuts. Like real bad."