@AnOrangeSNES: I only make my food from the natural ingredients, like uranium and asbestos
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@shkeeber: Friend: What happened? 15yo me: *arm in a sling* Got hit by 2 buses. Friend: What happened? 37yo me: *in a full body cast* I sneezed weird.
@shatterpants: When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?" Then I frown & order the soup.
@LaziestCanine: A fish's Google search history: - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory?