@ilovepie84: I only shave half my face in case that I get arrested so that they will have two different side profile pictures.
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@bazecraze: People used to dress as monsters for Halloween. Now they dress as characters from shows you don't watch.
@Brianhopecomedy: Cashier: "Sir, the toilet paper you're buying goes on sale tomorrow." "COOL, I'LL CHECK WITH MY FAMILY TO SEE IF THEY CAN HOLD IT IN."
@QuiteQuietOne: I just peed in my bath. But don't worry, I won't drink the water. - 4 year old logic
@Black__Elvis: I was in an Arby's bathroom taking a leak and the urinal cake fell to the floor but it was there for less than 5 seconds so I still ate it.