@ilovepie84: I only shave half my face in case that I get arrested so that they will have two different side profile pictures.
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@MableGertrude: If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.
@jazmasta: "That'll be $15.99 please" "Do you take giant revolving badgers?" *cashier grabs me by the throat* "We ONLY take giant revolving badgers"
@jwalkonthemoon: I'm not normally a name-dropper but Tiger Woods asked me to start his car in the dream I just had.
@hatehug: I've been listening to Pink Floyd for the past 2 hours. I'm about to just go ahead and skip to track 2.